DE GRAHTTO, ANIMEELA 'ANI'

[ANIMEELA DE GRAHTTO]

BASIC INFORMATION

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Full Name: Animeela Renee de Grahtto
Nickname(s): Ani - but only to friends
Explanation of Name(s): Just the name her parents gave her.
Age: 27
Date of Birth: March 24th
Occupation: Wanderer
Origin: Original Character

APPEARANCE

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Play-by: Avril Lavigne
General Appearance: Animeela has long blond hair that waves all the way to her lower back. She keeps it down most of the time, to show off its length. Her eyes are a crystal blue. The shape of her face is oval and her eyes are almond. Ani has a button nose, her favorite feature of herself. Her voice can change pitch depending on what she’s really feeling. If she’s lying, her voice will usually go deeper than normal. Her body is very skinny. Her skin is so pale, you can almost see her glow in the moonlight. Without wearing her normal heels, Animeela is five feet four inches and weighs about one hundred twenty-eight pounds.

Her clothes signal a high class woman. She usually steals her way into society, taking rings and dresses from previous owners on her business runs. Ani loves to wear dresses, especially the ravish kind to give her men something to look at. She tries to hide all her scars that form her history with minerals the color of her skin. The teddy bear birthmark on her right shoulder-blade is also hidden from sight.

PERSONALITY

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Likes:

• Being free
• The Moon
• Cats
• Having time to herself
• Meadows - they calm her down

Dislikes:

• Being disliked
• Having memories of her past
• Dogs
• Anything that smells bad
• Being alone

Fears:

• Of the men finding her outside their walls
• People hating her
• The dark, though she likes to be under the stars

Dreams:

• Of finding her parents
• Of her mind being stable
• of a better place than where she's gotten herself into recently - life wise, not physical place

Virtues:

• Hard working
• Nice body
• A charming smile
• Keeps her distance from guys
• Is kind to all she meets.

Flaws:

• Thinks to much about her past
• Can be depressing
• Hangs out in pubs most of the time
• Whenever she's around men, all she can think about is the time she spent in that prison
• is actually afraid of men, even though she spends a lot of time around them
  
• Will most likely never actually fall in love with anyone, she's been hurt way too many times by the people she thought loved her most in this world.

Skills:

• Can easily manipulate people's emotions
• Knows when it's time to hush
• Traking down people
• Manners
• Riding horse back
• Keeping her true emotions hidden - only those who can read body language will be able to tell she's keeping something from them, but she'll never tell.

Traits:

• Daydreamer
• Manipulative
• Talkative

General Personality: Animeela is lustful, but she doesn't seem to be that way if you were to talk to her. She's very defensive of herself and can be thought to be offensive. She can be nice when the time calls for it.

She's a daydreamer. She spends to much time thinking about her history, mostly of her parents. She's also a romantic, but it's really hard to have her fall in love with you. She knows she is a traveler so she doesn't spend much of her time caring for a long time suitor, just someone to tease with for a few days.

HISTORY

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Home Town: Doesn't remember it's been so long
Biography: Animeela's had quite a violent past. She used to think her parents loved her. But one day, she awoke with her parents packing her clothes and sending her off in the arms of a stranger. That stranger then took her and rapped her. She was only 5 years old.

She grew up not knowing anything but of those strangers and their 'tricks'. She was imprisoned, never knew what their names were or anything of the outside world. Almost 10 years later one of the other girl prison mates came up with an idea to escape their hands. Animeela was 14 years old by that time - the oldest, the one that had been there the longest.

When she was 15, they finally came through with their plan of escaping. The strangers didn't know till they woke up the next day, but by then the children were long gone on wagons that had picked them up. They split up. Ani hasn't seen any of them in almost 10 years now, or she had, she didn't recognize them.

Animeela decided that she was going to use what she knew best for the greater good. And that is when she decided to be a courtesan spy. She's been traveling the world ever since that day she escaped from the prison.

THE AUTHOR

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Name: Moon (La Lune Mauve, Myjesticmoon, Myjestic_Moon, Moonrider, Moon)
Age: 15
How You Found Us: Proboards Support
Experience: 1 year!
Writing Sample: Canvre, a village just south of the Merrowmore Foothills and north of the Greymeadow Plains. A village of religion. The village in which Sir Maltic James lived. It was time to get back to the Capital for his job. Leaving was a hard thing to do. His family lived there, he loved them and there was always a chance of him being attacked and killed. He never wanted that to happen because his family would be heartbroken. Plus, once he got back to the kingdom, he wouldn’t be able to love anyone.

His little nephew jumped up and down as Maltic packed his horse. “Pick me up! Pick me up!” the little boy yelled at him. Maltic looked down and smiled. He loved Yonis with all his heart. He was like his own little boy. His mother came out with more bags of food for him to carry on his ride home. “Ma,” Maltic told her chuckling a little, “My horse isn’t that strong.” There was already a ton of food packed for him. But there were also the more nessicary things that he had to travel with, like his clothes, his weapons, his armor, and his armor weighed down a lot.

“Oh, but Maltic,” she said, taking his cheeks in her hands. “It’s a long trip from here to Libre, you don’t need to starve.” She took her hands off to put the food down on the horse. He was going to be out and alone for just a couple of nights. A week at most. He had enough food, and if he ever ran out somehow he was educated enough to know what to eat and what not to eat out in the wild. His mother had told him to take the way through Greymeadow Plains, but that’s the way he always went. He wanted to try going through the Merrowmore this time. His mother saw that look in his eyes and knew exactly what he was thinking.

“Now, don’t you go out and get yourself hurt! I’ll have to beat you if you do that!” she said shaking her finger at him. She never agreed with Maltic going into the military, talking his father’s path, but he just loved it. Being able to fight with swords was the best. The only downside of it was leaving his family for a time.

He smiled to his ma. She always worried about him, that was her motherly way, but this time she had a reason to. Either way was treacherous. Bandits have been spotted on the plains going towards Libre, and the Crags were rough and sharp, hardly any way to bring a horse through. Maybe going through the plains wouldn’t be such a bad idea. He could then use his weapons if any bandit tries to sneak up on him he’d use his sword in self-defense like they taught at the school.

The sun was already hot on his head as noon time came. Noon was the worst part of the day, not because it was hot or anything, but because noon was the time Maltic had to leave his family and journey over to Libre. He hugged each of his family members and hopped up onto Starburst, his black mare with that white speck on her forehead. It was time to leave.

555 words

I'll post the accepted code once the char is accepted

[ANIMEELA DE GRAHTTO]

<td style="text-align:justify" valign="top" class="latestlink" rowspan="3" height="100%"><div class="boardtitle2"> <img src="http://i41.tinypic.com/ix5mb6.jpg"> Latest Acceptance</div>
                           <div class="latestfrontpage"><img src="http://mmii.info/icons/94/babes_avrilLavigne.gif" align="left" alt="Animeela de Grahtto" title="Animeela de Grahtto" style='border: 2px solid #E5DCDC; padding: 4px; align: center;'> <div class="latesttitle">ANIMEELA DE GRAHTTO</div><br>
                           <b>Full Name:</b> Animeela Renee de Grahtto<br><b>Nickname(s):</b> Ani<br><b>Age:</b> 27<br><b>Occupation:</b> Wonderer<br><br>    Animeela's had quite a violent past. She used to think her parents loved her. But one day, she awoke with her parents packing her clothes and sending her off in the arms of a stranger. That stranger then took her and rapped her. She was only 5 years old.

   She grew up not knowing anything but of those strangers and their 'tricks'. She was imprisoned, never knew what their names were or anything of the outside world. Almost 10 years later one of the other girl prison mates came up with an idea to escape their hands. Animeela was 14 years old by that time - the oldest, the one that had been there the longest.

   When she was 15, they finally came through with their plan of escaping. The strangers didn't know till they woke up the next day, but by then the children were long gone on wagons that had picked them up. They split up. Ani hasn't seen any of them in almost 10 years now, or she had, she didn't recognize them.

   Animeela decided that she was going to use what she knew best for the greater good. And that is when she decided to be a courtesan spy. She's been traveling | <a href="URL OF CHARACTER'S ACCEPTED APPLICATION - STAFF FILLS IN"><b>Read more</b></a>…</div></td>

[DANIELLE LANCRESS]

Okay first of all, welcome to AB! ^_^ glad to see an application on here ^_^. There are a few things that you need to work on before I accept it though, so I'll go through them one at a time.

» Occupation. You've put her occupation as Wonderer. I'm guessing you mean Wanderer. A wanderer is someone who moves around a lot, a wonderer is someone who wonders and thinks about things. But in this case she would be a Courtesan, if that is her job, as you describe.

» Explanation of Play-by. You can remove this if there is no specific reason for it.

» General Appearance. This is too short. You've gotten the main or distinctive features of her, but what about the rest? As it says in the application we want to see that you can describe your character, without relying on a play-by. Imagine, you have no images of your character to show us and describe her. The application clearly states 3-5 paragraphs on this section. Ideas here might be - her physical appearance: hair, eyes, body shape, her stance: way of holding herself, how her personality comes out in her body language, and her clothing: more detail on what she would normally wear and why. More detail on what you already have might be interesting - such as how she feels about her scars, does she wear dresses that hide rather than reveal them etc.?

» Your personality section is a little murky. Firstly, its got a lot of contradictions. You talk of how she dislikes men and stays away from them in the Virtues but then say that she spends a lot of time with men and is a lustful woman. You say she is a romantic but will never fall in love because she is afraid of men, to a certain extent. How can she be a romantic if she dislikes men? I suggest you either decide whether she has turned her life toward being a courtesan and a man seducer in order to feel powerful against the gender of her former captors, or that she is frightened of them and keeps away from them altogether. Secondly, some of your listings are a little on the obvious side and not particular to the character. So "things that smell bad". Most people, in fact, near everyone, dislikes things that smell bad. This isn't any kind of indicator as to who she is.

» Traits. Maybe I didn't describe this very well in the application. Traits are supposed to be small tricks or habits that your character has, such as biting nails, or calling people by nicknames all the time. Rather than general ideas like you've stated.

» General Personality. This needs to be much longer. The application states 3-5 paragraphs long, depending on the detail of the sections above. As you have only listed the traits and virtues etc, your general personality needs to be toward 5 paragraphs or more. If you were to go back and describe the higher sections in more detail, such as why she has those traits or habits and what that contributes to her personality then you would be able to have less in the general personality section as you would have covered most of it already, and only need about 3 paragraphs.

» History. This is the part of the application I have the most problems with. This is a very overtly dramatic and sadistic history for Animeela. It's rather extreme and I find it hard to believe. Some aspects of it, I could easily accept but all put together it seems over the top. For example: I could easily believe her being sold into slavery by debt riddled parents, or sent to be married to a stranger at the age of 14-15 which could have resulted in her being treated poorly and acquiring the whipping you mentioned. However, the rape of a five year old is, though plausible, a horrid and unlikely eventuality and borders on content Proboards ToS would forbid. What people fail to realise is that everyday situations and scenarios can be haunting and hurtful and that you don't need to include rapes and imprisonment to make your character interesting. It also needs to be longer and more detailed, with roughly 5+ paragraphs of larger size than you currently have.

» Overall. There are a few overall comments that need to be made here. Firstly, my OCD is frustrated that you are placing full stops at the end of some of your information but not all. It might be worth checking over for your full stops. Also for some of your grammar. We're not complete nazis here but you have mistaken your "to" and "too" several times and have even spelt "raped" wrong, when that was a major plot point of your history. I advise you to go over the application and check your spelling, capitalisation and the complexity of your sample roleplay. Though your sample is a decent length it's quite simplistic, more creative sentence structure and interesting interpretation would push this up to the standard it needs to be.

» On a side note: You've spelt your character's name differently in this application to in your profile name.

I'm looking forward to seeing this application when it's finished. I hope that my comments help. Please reply to this thread when you have edited and remember to update your LAS code.

[ANIMEELA DE GRAHTTO]

Thanks for the information! This is really mostly copied from the other site I have her on, but I'll be happy to change them for you.

Ooops, My "h" got ahead of my "a" *goes to fix*

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Check List

» Change Occupation to Wanderer

» Remove Explanation of Play-by

» General Appearance. This is too short. You've gotten the main or distinctive features of her, but what about the rest? As it says in the application we want to see that you can describe your character, without relying on a play-by. Imagine, you have no images of your character to show us and describe her. The application clearly states 3-5 paragraphs on this section. Ideas here might be - her physical appearance: hair, eyes, body shape, her stance: way of holding herself, how her personality comes out in her body language, and her clothing: more detail on what she would normally wear and why. More detail on what you already have might be interesting - such as how she feels about her scars, does she wear dresses that hide rather than reveal them etc.? -- but needs to add more to the bullets

» Your personality section is a little murky. Firstly, its got a lot of contradictions. You talk of how she dislikes men and stays away from them in the Virtues but then say that she spends a lot of time with men and is a lustful woman. You say she is a romantic but will never fall in love because she is afraid of men, to a certain extent. How can she be a romantic if she dislikes men? I suggest you either decide whether she has turned her life toward being a courtesan and a man seducer in order to feel powerful against the gender of her former captors, or that she is frightened of them and keeps away from them altogether. Secondly, some of your listings are a little on the obvious side and not particular to the character. So "things that smell bad". Most people, in fact, near everyone, dislikes things that smell bad. This isn't any kind of indicator as to who she is.

» Fix Personality Bullets (take some out and add more)

» General Personality. This needs to be much longer.

» History. This is the part of the application I have the most problems with. This is a very overtly dramatic and sadistic history for Animeela. It's rather extreme and I find it hard to believe. Some aspects of it, I could easily accept but all put together it seems over the top. For example: I could easily believe her being sold into slavery by debt riddled parents, or sent to be married to a stranger at the age of 14-15 which could have resulted in her being treated poorly and acquiring the whipping you mentioned. However, the rape of a five year old is, though plausible, a horrid and unlikely eventuality and borders on content Proboards ToS would forbid. What people fail to realise is that everyday situations and scenarios can be haunting and hurtful and that you don't need to include rapes and imprisonment to make your character interesting. It also needs to be longer and more detailed, with roughly 5+ paragraphs of larger size than you currently have.

» Overall. There are a few overall comments that need to be made here. Firstly, my OCD is frustrated that you are placing full stops at the end of some of your information but not all. It might be worth checking over for your full stops. Also for some of your grammar. We're not complete nazis here but you have mistaken your "to" and "too" several times and have even spelt "raped" wrong, when that was a major plot point of your history. I advise you to go over the application and check your spelling, capitalisation and the complexity of your sample roleplay. Though your sample is a decent length it's quite simplistic, more creative sentence structure and interesting interpretation would push this up to the standard it needs to be.

» Edit Profile name

[DANIELLE LANCRESS]

Jan 26, 2012 22:13:42 GMT ANIMEELA DE GRAHTTO said:

This is really mostly copied from the other site I have her on,

I thought that that might be the case. It would be nice, in your edits for us to be able to see how you have made her to fit this forum. ^_^ Especially as she is an original character and needs to be tied to this forum somehow.